Calming the Heck Down

I'm just going to throw this up here so it's right in front of my face. And you guys can just keep throwing it back at me when I need it.

My boat was unexpectedly rocked today. I just got word of something that will affect my family and my work - maybe a little, maybe a lot. Generally, I don't handle change well. I don't handle the not knowing well. This time, I don't have a choice. I have to wait. I have to not know for now.

But I do. I do have a choice. Maybe not about what happens in this situation, but I do have a choice - the choice between freaking out and throwing myself into a panic OR doing what I would tell any of you to do - trust God. 

Okay. I won't lie. There was some of reaction #1. There may be, no, probably will be, moments of reaction #1 in the future. 

But I'm aiming for trust. Help me shoot straight, my peeps. Help me keep my eye on the prize and just keep making the next step, and the next, refusing to let my focus move off Jesus. I don't want to be guilty of expecting too little of God. I don't want to miss the path because I'm too busy trying to make things happen on my own.

'This is what the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, says: “If you come back to me and trust me, you will be saved. If you will be calm and trust me, you will be strong.” But you don’t want to do that.' - Isaiah 30:15 (NCV)

In Isaiah 30, the Israelites' circumstances were freaking them out, and they were panicking in a major way. An enemy army was coming - a big, strong, viscious one. Instead of turning to God for help, they took things into their own hands. They decided to try to outrun the army on horseback. God gave Isaiah the prophet a word for His people, and it was the verse above, which contains a promise. In today's language, it would be something like this:

• If you could just get your eyes off yourselves for a minute and put your focus back where it belongs, on Me, you'll be just fine.
• If you calm the heck down and quit flapping all over the place, you'll have strength left to follow me well in the path I'll show you.

But the verse doesn't end well. The Israelites didn't want to do that. They chose the freak out, the flapping around, the figuring it out on their own. And they were destroyed.

Their circumstances didn't have to destroy them. My circumstances don't have to destroy me. They chose destruction of their own free will. They didn't have to choose destruction, but they did BECAUSE THAT'S HOW THEY WANTED IT.

But I don't. I don't want that. I want to choose well when things are uncertain, up in the air, changing.

I will put my eyes on Jesus. When my eyes stray off, I will bring them back and put them right back on Him.

I will calm the heck down and quit flapping all over the place. I will save my strength for following Him instead of spending it on trying to figure things out myself.

I will trust. I do not want to be one of whom He sadly says, "She knew the right way to handle life, but she didn't want to do that."

The Holy Spirit Difference

I've been studying Acts, and I'm hung up in Chapter 2 where it talks about Peter giving this amazing sermon and 3,000 people getting saved and baptized right then. Peter, who was less Billy Graham and more Mel Gibson. Peter, who fewer than two months ago denied the man he'd sworn to follow to death not once, but three times publicly. Peter, the one who's famous for blurting out whatever, whenever without ever thinking it through. Same guy - yet not the same at all.

The difference: The Holy Spirit. "These words of Peter's moved them [the crowd] deeply, and they said to him and the other apostles, "Brothers, what should we do?" Not Peter's words anymore, but the words God gave him through the power of the Holy Spirit. It has really struck me, the whole of Acts 2:36-47, so here come ‪#‎allthewords‬.

God, fill us today with your Holy Spirit. Remind us daily who Jesus is and what He is about. Help us to keep our focus fully on our beautiful Savior. When what we know from Your Word about Jesus and our mission conflicts with the world and sometimes even the church around us, help us be to so solidly entrenched in You that it does not cause us to waver. We want to be ready. We want to speak Your words through the power of the Holy Spirit to those around us so that they will hear and recognize the truth and know that it comes straight from You. Let them be moved deeply, that they would ask, "What should we do?"

Lord, we want to see a great revival. We want to see a stirring and an awakening, in ourselves and in the world and community around us. God let your kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven. Help us not to forget the magnificent power You have. Start with us. Awaken us. Revive us. Shake Your church out of its comfort zone and into Your wild places. Oh God that we would see thousands come to You, repent and be baptized. Oh God that we would see Your church operate in the ways You intended. You are more than a pray-the-prayer. You are more than a security blanket. You are the fulfillment of our lives, not just in eternity to come, but right here, right now on earth.

God, the disciples followed you and that began something so completely new that it flew in the face of everything tradition and Judiasm and paganism had ever shown people. Instead of religion, You gave the disciples relationship - relationship with You, but it didn't stop there. Because they were unified with you, they now could live in unity with each other and truly to live the kingdom here. They were so unified that Jerusalem around them couldn't help but sit up and take notice and give favor to them. It was the calm before the storm, to be sure. The Gospel had to spread, so when persecution came they took that Holy Spirit thing and blew it up all over the known world. But first, they were such a clear telling of the Gospel just in the way they lived together that the community couldn't help but recognize how true and genuine it was.

God, break down the stereotypes people have about church and Christians by giving our communities examples of true Christianity. Use us. Rise us above the politics, the traditions, the little things that would trip us up so that we can, through the power of Your Spirit, live the Gospel in a way that our community sits up and takes notice. Not for our glory, but all for Yours. All of it Jesus. You are worthy. You are holy.

Bring it.

Christa

The Journey

I want to go on a journey with You this year Lord.

And yet, I don’t.

It scares me a little bit. It scares me a lot. It fills me with questions.

Where will we go? How will we get there? What will we do? What will it take? Will it hurt? Will I suffer? What will I lose? What will I gain? What will be revealed about me? Will the world accept it? Will I care? How will it affect my family? How will it affect my marriage? How will it affect me?

Me.

Me.

Me.

I’m so sick of me.

So let’s go, God.

You and me.

We.

Us.

You’re ready, and I’m willing. Help me lose the me, and let’s go on a journey together this year. Let’s see new places. Meet new people. Learn something. Let go of something. Trust more. Worry less. Release the me. Empower the us. 

You’re a big God, and You’re wild. It’s a little intimidating. It’s a lot exciting. But you say I can know You, and I believe it. I’ve seen a little of You. I’ve seen You come near. I’ve seen You come through. I’ve seen You show up. I’ve learned to recognize You in small things and in big things. And I want more. Until the day I die and beyond, I don’t ever want to stop knowing You more.

I am one woman, but I’m willing. I want to go on a journey with You this year Lord, even though it scares me a little bit. To be honest, every year has been a journey. It’s not like I’ve just now decided to hop on the bus. I’ve been riding it this whole time. My whole life.

But sometimes I thought I was driving. Sometimes I thought someone else was. Sometimes I sat in the back row, dragging my feet, looking behind me. Sometimes I sat in the middle, status quo – surrounded by people but stuck in myself. 

I let other people tell me where to sit. 

I pushed my way to the seat I thought I wanted.

But that one right there, that seat right next to You. I can see it now. It’s got my name on it. It’s right up front. It’s right next to You. Right next to the Driver.

So let’s go on a journey together this year God. And I’ll sit right next to You as You drive. I’ll try not to take the wheel – I don’t really like to drive anyway. I’ll keep my foot off the brake – You know what You’re doing. I’ll ride hand in hand with you, my head on Your shoulder. You’ll keep my eyes pointed forward, not behind. 

Sometimes we’ll take in the sights, enjoying the sunsets while meandering leisurely, spending time together. Sometimes You’ll say, “Trust Me” and You’ll drive through the canyons and over dangerous precipices. Maybe You’ll reach over and turn my face to my eyes are on only You. “Look at ME.” Maybe You’ll let me see so I can recognize what You’ve brought us through. 

We’ll stop and let people on and off. In and out. But the best parts will be when You pull the E-brake and we screech to a halt. You’ll swing the door handle to open the doors wide and out we will go, together. You’ll say, “That one!” and “Help him!” or “Love her!” And we will. 

Together.

The Lord did for Sarah what He had promised

The Lord did for Sarah what He had promised. 

It took Him awhile. Twenty-five years, to be exact. Twenty-five years after He first promised to give Abraham and Sarah a son, Isaac was born. Twenty-five years is a long time.

Twenty-five years is long enough to give up hope. After all, even at 75, Abraham and Sarah were no spring chickens. By all human standards, the chance of this occurring grew thinner and thinner as the years ticked by and they grew older and older. 

Twenty-five years is long enough to be tempted to take things into their own hands. When nothing happened year after year, it became hard to hold on to that promise. I can just hear Abraham’s internal reasoning. Maybe I didn’t hear God right. Maybe my desire for a child colored my perception and I just thought God promised to send me a son. Or maybe he didn’t really mean Sarah would bear the son. Maybe we need to do something about this. God likes men of action, right?

Twenty-five years is long enough to make a person laugh. After 25 years, God showed up. In the guise of a small band of weary travelers, God and two angels paid a visit to Abraham. Did Abraham recognize that it was God? He certainly jumped at the chance to be hospitable, quickly serving them a meal and caring for their needs. But when the Lord told Abraham that a year from now that he and Sarah would have a son, they laughed. Not only had they given up hope in having a child, but they were so far removed from the idea that it seemed funny to them. Twenty-five years of waiting will do that to you I suppose.

As they waited, Sarah didn’t seem bitter. They didn’t seem to resent that so far, it looked like God had not kept His promise. Perhaps they simply just gave up on the idea. After all, they were too old now. How would Sarah survive a pregnancy? How would they, elderly as they were, care for an infant, an active toddler, a rambunctious child? It must have seemed easier to just let the idea go. Easier physically. Easier emotionally. Just easier. When God’s promise didn’t appear and no longer made sense, they didn’t turn their backs on God. That was good. However, they didn’t continue to hold out for the promise either.

How often do I do that? How often do I let go of the promises God has made me? I don’t blame God. I don’t get angry when it looks like His promises aren’t showing up. I just stop anticipating. I drop the faith that God will come through in awesome ways. Like a child who thinks they didn’t get the bike they were promised for Christmas that year, I patronize Him. “It’s okay Dad. You just couldn’t do it this time. I understand. Bikes are hard. They’re expensive. I don’t really need a bike. Maybe that’s not even what I wanted anyway. Bikes are dirty. They can be hard to ride – I might fall down and get hurt. Yeah, it would have been really cool, but that’s okay. I still love you.” All the while, Dad’s got the bike hidden in the garage just waiting for the great reveal at the perfect time. 

Was that Sarah? “It’s okay God. I really wanted a son, but, you know, that’s a big undertaking. Sarah and I are old now. I mean, I don’t know. So you just couldn’t pull it off this time. That’s okay. Kids are a lot of work. I get it. They’re loud and messy and needy. So maybe we didn’t really want a son after all. That’s okay God. I still love you.” All the while, God was just waiting for the perfect time for the great reveal.

What must it have felt like to God to have His Sarah stop waiting and anticipating the promise? He knew they were human and that they were limited in their understanding of his power. But still, I imagine that it stung a little. Hang in there just a little longer. Don’t give up hope! You so underestimate what I can do and how much I love you. You’ll miss the best part if you drop out now!

God wasn’t done yet. Not by a long shot. He came through at what must have seemed like the eleventh hour. He showed up just in time for it to be utterly, blatantly obvious that Isaac only existed because of His hand. In all the world until the end of time, all of humanity can rest assured that God sent Isaac to Abraham and Sarah. God kept His promise. God started the whole Jewish race. Only God.

I don’t want to patronize God. I don’t want, in my mind, to limit what I think He can or will do. His promises are worth waiting for.

And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires. 2 Peter 1:4

 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28-29

He gives power to the weak
and strength to the powerless.
Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:29-31

No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:37-39

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. I Corinthians 10:13

Marked

"His presence leaves no one unmarked." Life Unhindered, Jennifer Kennedy Dean

This book has been changing my life. Bit by bit my old, long-held patterns of thinking and behavior are being challenged and broken down with the truth of God's Word. God is rebuilding me in new ways, and as I read the phrase above from chapter 11, it happened again.

"His presence leaves no one unmarked."

No one.

That means me. That means you. God's presence leaves a mark.

How will I come away marked?

He won't force it on me. He's not coming after me like some Sharpie-crazed toddler with a vendetta. He will write on the surface available in my life. What surface am I leaving open for Him?

A chalkboard? They're all the trend right now, with their dark, flat surface and temporary scribbled messages. Powdery chalk dust smudges the author's fingers but is quickly clapped away. So is the message - easily erased, either purposefully or accidentally. This message won't endure. It changes often to reflect whatever message is loudest, most popular or most urgent at the time. The marks fade quickly, leaving only the faintest of smudged lines, then nothing at all. Nothing at all.

Or metal? At first, metal seems cold and hard, impersonal. Who wants to expose the cold, hard parts of themselves to God? To anyone? Will I allow God's presence to be engraved permanently into my life? Even if it means He uses a sharp stylus? Deep lines and grooves that are unremovable by time or the elements could decorate the surface of who I am. Marks that can't be rubbed out, washed off or glazed over. Indelible. Undeniable. Forever marking my life - truth seared across the fabric of my being, engraved deep for all to see.

Here's the thing - metal is reflective. It bounces back light. A chalkboard, on the other hand, with its black, flat surface simply absorbs the light.

I want to reflect the Light. And when I do, I want the Light to reveal to the world the marks He has left on me. It will hurt. It will be hard. But He didn't hold back the hurt and the hard to love me. He didn't stand at the foot of the cross with a chalkboard sign. No. He got up on that cross and let His love be engraved across His very body. Marked. For me. Forever. And someday, when I see Him face to face, I will see the marks on His hands and His side. And I want to be able to turn to Him with a blinding smile that matches His, knowing that I reflected Him to the world.

The Written Word

It's so easy for me to read the Bible. I can read the words, see them there on the page in black and white, and then walk away. It doesn't sink in. Instead, it looks like one of these:

• Hmmm, that's nice. Now I'd better get those dishes done and the laundry folded . . . where'd I put my cell phone?
• Hey, so-and-so could really use this verse today. I can so see how that would apply to their lives. They should really look into that. 

And it's not enough. It's not enough for me to let that slide. It's not enough to read it and then walk away. I need to know it. I need to use it. I need to live it. And so, I need a way I can make it my own.

I've been reading the book Life Unhindered by Jennifer Kennedy Dean. In chapter six, she references Romans 7:14-17, the ever-famous passage by Apostle Paul where he basically 'fesses up to what amounts to a disciple-ish face palm. "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." (Romans 7:15) Yep, I can relate to that, and God knew that when He inspired Paul to write it. I think if Paul was me, a 30-something busy homeschooling mom of two with a full-time business, two dogs, one cat, a huge garden (you get the idea), this passage may have sounded something like this:

I don't know what's wrong with me. I know God's laws are good and that I'm supposed to follow them. It's not like they're just arbitrary guidelines and requirements - God knows what He's doing and what's best for me. But I just can't swing it. I'm so full of selfishness and pride and laziness and discontent and everything that drags me down and holds me back. I just can't muster it up. 

Oh, I try. I have such good intentions. I start the day with great expectations. "I won't get impatient," I vow. "I'll keep my focus right. I'll serve God and love my neighbor and pray and read my Bible. I won't lose my cool with my kids or complain about all the shoes cluttering up the porch. I won't waste time on Facebook or beat myself up for not looking like I did when I was younger." 

Five minutes later I realize I'm on a rant about dirty socks on the floor next to the laundry hamper while shoving cookies in my face. It's like I'm completely incapable of doing anything but exactly what I said I wouldn't. What is going on in my head? Who let the evil, grumpy Christa out? Oh wait, that was me . . . 

But there's hope! Thank God! Through Him all things are possible. THROUGH Him. Not me. He's my only hope.

Writing Scripture - either word for word or in Christa-paraphrase - is very cathartic for me. It forces me to really focus in. It gives me that time, not to just skim, but to stop and consider how His word wants to change my life.And it will, if I let it. If I let go of the easy and the fast.

I would love to hear from you. What helps you focus in on God's word? Do you copy scripture? Journal? Write music? (Yeah, I tried that once, thinking it would be awesome. Turns out that's not my spiritual gift. Yikes! It would have put chanting monks to sleep. Seriously.)